Sunday, 13 January 2013

Fabric nightclub 11/01/13: WTF?

Dosed up to the eyeballs on cheap wine, two excited young ladies stumbled into Fabric on a Friday night ready to get down low to some dirty bass. What was to happen next was quite unexpected...

Fabric nightclub + Friday night = drum & bass. Standard. Right?

Room 1

In we bopped. The crowd was huge, hyped and absolutely loving it. Cool. 

The music... Drone, drone, flipping drone. 

What is this sh**?!

Well, lets not dismiss it just like that. Lets try to feel the vibe, this IS Room 1 after all. All the best artists play Room 1. 

We shut our eyes. Did everything we possibly could to try to feel the music and ride the vibe. 

It's just not happening. 

"Lets try Room 2, I can't take this anymore."

Room 2. 

O......K then. Same stuff. Is this even a different room? Sounds exactly the same.

Right now I'm confused.

Agh. I feel as if I've been sober for the past year. Where did all that wine go? 

Frustation is setting in. We are in dire need of some good vibes, or at LEAST some form of a bassline to keep us going. Off to the next room... Third time lucky, please!

Room 3

And just like that, our hopes and dreams crumbled to the ground. It was as if we had opened our Christmas prescent from Santa in excitement, just to find a pile of dog poo wrapped in a gold ribbon. 

...A huge, obese gold ribbon! The place was full. SO full. Yet SO bad. SO SO SO bad.

Just listen to this rubbish:

...Make it stop, make it stop!


I've never heard anything like this before in my life. And that's not a good thing this time, damn it.

100% we actually couldn't have stumbled across anything worse. How - in the name of the God which I don't believe in - could there possibly, ever, EVER, be worse music in the world? 

If this utter crap drags hundreds of people to a club with an £18 entrance fee, how much worse does music get?

Am I missing something?

Is this some kind of insane music which only works when you're high as a kite? I did have one guy, chewing his face off, ask me for some gum. 

But that's not unusual. It's everywhere.

Plus, I think you'd have to be higher than the moon on the hardest drugs possible to enjoy this musical vomit. That guy asking for gum could speak perfectly fine... 

I just don't get it.

Don't get me wrong, I love music. I really do. I'm one of those people who, when you ask what my favourite music is, I can't tell you.

I don't just dismiss stuff 'cause I think it's not my scene.

My musical tastes are so diverse. I like everything from jazz, to house, all the way to metal. Not all of it, obviously. Just the good stuff within each genre.

But this? Hell no!

Pretty pretty please, help me, if you will....

Put me out of my misery and tell me what the appeal is with Ben UFO and the like?

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