Wednesday, 13 April 2011

Jealousy in relationships

Jealousy is a big thing in relationships - but why? If you love someone - does that not mean that you trust them? Or maybe 'love' is just a word to describe a form of obsession for another person.
So what is jelousy? Well, according to, jealousy is;

jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage inteself.
mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.
vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.
a jelous feeling, disposition, state, or mood. 

This weekend I visited some friends for a chilled day in Hyde Park. I receive a phone call. It's Liz. She needs to meet up "like NOW," as something really bad has happened - and by the tone in her voice, it wasn't just a tiff.

Now, it's important to note this is Liz; a best friend from school who has pretty much seen me go from an innocent little girl, to a crazy teenage rebel and to who I am now. She probably knows more about me than I do, and I certainly feel the same about her the other way round.

One thing I've learnt from Liz throughout the years is that when she falls, she doesn't just graze her elbows. She breaks all of the bones in her body.

I have no doubt that Liz and her boyfriend, Cian, are in love. If you ever met them, you would soon find out. It's hard to miss the constant smooching, the screeching of 'cuuuuddllleeeeess' and the never ending loving gazes.

So the fact that they had a fight is not an every day occurrence, unlike some couples.

It turns out it's all to do with jealousy. That one element in many relationships that seems to arise for absolutely no reason - other than through pure love for someone.

But why is it that jealousy is one of the biggest destroyers of love? Why is it that in the most loving of relationships the trust issues are always there. Also, why do people who are so in love with another person cheat on them?

Some say that if you cheat you don't love someone. In reality, do people cheat because they don't love the person, or because they're insecure themselves? And cheating reiterates in their minds that they are wanted...

After all, being wanted is a big thing for some people. I say some people, but really - it goes for us all. If you disagree, then you're a liar. Obviously some more than others, however.

We all want to fit in somewhere. We are all in some ways jealous - we wouldn't pass off that perfect celeb figure if we were offered it now, would we?

But does jealousy set people up for disaster? If you're a particularly jealous person, that means you're insecure. If you're insecure - does this mean that you'll never be properly in love?

At my Dad's 50th birthday party, I spoke to a very drunk Mr Bailey, a childhood friend of his. Drunk ramblings of having to love yourself before being able to love another person came up in conversation. It went something like this: "You have to have ME LOVE before you can have I LOVE," repeated probably about a gazillion times.

At the time, all I could do was sit, smile, nod and pity his 'stupid' words (or so I thought at the time). But when reality hits - maybe he was right?

Let me know your thoughts :)

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